By Billy Masters

"A couple of years ago, I was sitting in the Kodak Theatre with my acceptance speech in my pocket, waiting to get up and say that I was the first openly gay actor to win an Oscar. Unfortunately, that was the year the blacks won."

—Sir Ian McKellen proves that queens—particularly British queens —tell it like it is!

Remind me never to make fun of Madonna again. I was barely on English soil when it started—I was speaking with a hint of the worst British accent this side of the last Tina Turner farewell tour. Within moments, my distinctive dulcet tones—normally heavy with Boston/New York overtones—had a touch of Mrs. Howell! So Madonna gets a free pass from me—at least through the end of 2006.

I was no sooner out of Heathrow Airport when I spied newspaper headlines screaming, "Ripper Strikes Again." Was it possible that in the process of flying across the Atlantic, I inadvertently stumbled back over a century through some kinda time warp? Nope, this is actually a new Ripper—the Ipswich Ripper, who has matched Jack the Ripper's five prostitute murders. In subsequent days, he was renamed the Suffolk Strangler—which has quite a pleasant ring to it. His last victim was known as "Crackhead Anne" and always dreamed of becoming a Spice Girl. Perhaps being a victim of the Suffolk Stranger was a kinder fate.

Transplanted Yank (and our favorite answer to the question "Where's the beef?") John Barrowman is tying the knot. After last year's lukewarm promise to marry long-time boyfriend Scott Gill (not lukewarm about Scott—just about the institution of marriage), Barrowman has set Dec. 27 for his wedding in Wales. What's prompted this change in attitude? Children. "We are talking about whether we have our own children or do we adopt. We've thought about adopting an older child, maybe a pre-teen." Personally, I have often thought of taking in a late-teen, but that's just me. Johnny is not rushing into the parenting role until he has a firm plan—he may want to get moving, since he's fast approaching the end of his childbearing years. By the by, there'll be no honeymoon for the couple—directly after the wedding, Johnny has to run to the New Theatre in Cardiff, where he is starring in Jack and the Beanstalk. Ah, the glamorous life.

The Brits have always been fans of all things American—which is part of Barrowman's appeal. But to put his success across the pond into perspective, a new play in the West End is touting "a cast of Hollywood's finest." Love Songs stars Neve Campbell, Kristen Johnston, Cillian Murphy and Michael McKean—who was beloved as "Lenny" (or "Squiggy"—I'm never sure). And hitting England in January—Don Johnson in Guys and Dolls!

Let's revisit some past scandals. First we have a classic case of "She Said, She Said." In the course of an interview with Vogue, Angelina Jolie gives the impression that she did not hook up with Brad Pitt in a romantic way until he was single. Allegedly, Jennifer Aniston is giving an interview to Vanity Fair discussing Brad's cheating on her— with Angie! We may get to the bottom of this yet—Jolie states that she would "welcome" a "real sit-down-and-talk kinda of meeting" with Aniston. Let's get Barbara Walters on this—I smell a very special pre-Oscars special!

This leads directly into a Star Jones story. Oh, how the mighty have fallen—Jones has returned to the airwaves as a talk show host ... on the radio! And get this—it was only a try-out gig! During the week of Dec. 17, Starlet guest hosted a portion of "The Michael Eric Dyson Show," a Radio One syndicated show targeting a black urban audience. Jones included a segment called "Ask the Lawyer"—because, you know, she is a lawyer!

Star ain't the only person branching out—Margaret Cho is getting into the adult toys industry. The famous funny gal has joined the board of Good Vibrations, a company that not surprisingly markets vibrators, bondage gear and lube. But fear not—Maggie ain't walking away from showbiz. Why, she's scheduled to turn up on the Joely Fisher/Brad Garrett sitcom Till Death next month—assuming the show isn't cancelled by then.

We hear that Aretha Franklin has a new project—a musical based on her autobiography, Aretha: From These Roots. Auntie Re is looking for an unknown actress/singer to play her by way of a cattle call—so to speak. If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it. It's a laugh riot! It takes a certain talent to come off badly in one's own autobiography! Every time she meets a guy, she ends up pregnant. And then there's the part where she discovers that her good pink jump suit is just a tad too small —but she still winches into it for her (baby) daddy's funeral. This would have killed Ahmet Ertegun—in fact, maybe it did!

Everyone in England is caught up in Princess Diana frenzy. Princes Harry and William just announced that they will hold a charity concert on July 1, the day that would have been Di's 46th birthday. Although the concert is designed as a celebration of the princess' life, it also coincides with the 10th anniversary of her death. Acts invited to appear include Diana's favorites—Elton John and Duran Duran. And there's an outside chance that a surprise guest will turn up. Justin Timberlake has produced tracks for Duran's upcoming CD, and Simon Le Bon is trying to woo the pop pinup to sing a duet with them. I, for one, love the idea of Justin singing "Girls On Film."

Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll answer an "Ask Billy" I've avoided for the past week. Rodney from Miami writes: "Are Reichen and Lance still together or not? No one seems to tell the same story twice."

Bear in mind that this story changes day-to-day, moment-to-moment. But at this writing, Lance Bass is reportedly giving his relationship with Reichen another chance. The duo was seen in Hawaii making a personal appearance just days after Reichen and I were at the same festive holiday gathering while Lance was out partying with some friends. Lance has gone public with his feelings by posting on his MySpace page that he wants the relationship to work out. And he's upset at reports that the pair is considering an open relationship to solve their romantic troubles: "Just please don't believe most of the hype you read ... like us opening up the relationship?! What the hell does that mean anyway?" Ask John and Scott. Or, better yet, ask Reichen—he's well familiar with the term!

Could it be that a certain player with a phenomenal physique is enjoying a bit of fun away from the prying eyes of Hollywood? Sure, people think he took this latest gig to be near his beloved, but there's more to that story than meets the eye. Rumor has it that before he got his lovely locked in, he'd already conquered the other side of that three-way. Now that he's playing gay so convincingly, who knows how far he'll go? One thing is certain—he's good to the last drop.

When I can dish about every queen in England except Elizabeth, it's time to end yet another column. You know what? I got through an entire column without once mentioning www.BillyMasters.com. That's because it's not all about me — it's all about you, my loyal readers. Even while I'm jetting around the globe, I have time for your questions. Feel free to write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before people start calling me "Lovey." Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.