"Let's clear something up right off the bat—I am not the host bringing Lance Bass with him. And, trust me, I tried. I've been on Manhunt for the past week looking, but no luck—he must be outta town!"

—Billy Masters clears up any confusion the audience might have regarding the hosts of the mainstage of Los Angeles' Gay Pride festival.

The days leading up to Los Angeles’ Gay Pride celebration were overcast. However, by midday Saturday, the sun came out and Pride weekend was saved. Yours truly had a vested interest in staying dry, since I was hosting the Pride Fest on the mainstage alongside Momma.  Together we welcomed people like Taylor Dayne, Bow Wow Wow, and Berlin with Terri Nunn to the thousands of enthusiastic fans in the crowd.

The previous night, Thelma Houston, Niki Haris, Animotion, Debby Holiday, CeCe Peniston, and others rocked the joint, but the big event was that our hometown girls—The Bangles—were playing their first Pride ever! The incredible Vicki Peterson told the crowd, "We love the theme of L.A. Gay Pride—Love. Equality. Pride.  Demand equality and live your life with pride. That's what it's all about." Of course, the notoriously shy Susanna Hoffs did her best to avoid all photographers backstage, which meant only two photos document the occasion: the official Christopher Street West snapshot and, of course, the Billy Masters version.  Thank heaven the always-accommodating Abby Travis (a newbie Bangle) stuck around to meet Councilman (and former mayor) John Duran and porn star Kurt Young.

I am always happy when I get to work with Momma. We have this perfect chemistry that makes it fun for us—and the audience. I adore Taylor Dayne; she's simply the best. But I was taken off guard when, minutes before the show, she told me, "At the end of 'I'll Be Your Shelter,’ I go into the audience." We weren't set up for this, so I wanted to make sure Taylor would be taken care of. I said, "Let me ask security if that's OK," but she interrupted me, "I'm not asking. I'm telling you—I am going into the audience." And the queens loved it! Meanwhile, Uncle Billy was backstage, entertaining her twins—Levi and Astaria.

The Gay Pride parade attracted over a quarter of a million spectators and may have been the best-organized parade in our 36-year history. I enjoyed every minute of it from the comforts of my humble abode without putting on a stitch of clothing, courtesy of West Hollywood Public Access Cable and hosts Honey Labrador and Jeffrey Epstein (from Out magazine). I wasn't the only nudie that day. Legendary porn star Jeff Stryker cavorted in a white terrycloth robe (which he opened for photo ops) while transie Amanda LePore begrudgingly covered her nipples.  Elsewhere, icon Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, made a rare daytime appearance, and famed attorney Gloria Allred's hair actually moved! It was a very special day.

In the midst of all the revelry, I spent some time with an out luminary who was there all by his lonesome. The reason was crystal clear—his beau is still closeted, causing the couple constant conflict. I don't envy either of them —the one who is out and proud and clearly angst-ridden or the one who thinks he'll lose fans by being himself. I expect an announcement any day now—or yet another divorce.

Last week, I went to a fund-raiser for the Point Foundation, which bills itself as "The National LGBT Scholarship Fund.” Although scholarships are the main thrust of this organization, it provides both financial and emotional assistance to college kids, who have come out to less-than-enthusiastic parents. Many of the scholars, who were previously lost, helpless or even suicidal, get their education, develop into fine individuals, and, occasionally, reunite with their families. Once the money is counted, Point's goal of raising $250,000 that night may well be a reality. You can find more information on the Web at www.thepointfoundation.org.  The evening was hosted by k.d. lang and featured a reading of Craig Chester's new screenplay, Save Me. Given the exigencies of the presentation, it's almost impossible to weigh the merits of the writing or the performances by Chad Allen, Robert Gant, Judith Light and others. Suffice it to say, if Lifetime started a gay network, this would make a great movie of the week.

If you want to see a classic case of elder abuse, turn on The View to witness poor Barbara Walters deteriorate before your very eyes. Sure, I enjoy watching her take five minutes to maneuver into her chair.  But Babs has now been on for 15 days in a row—her longest uninterrupted stretch since the show began nine years ago. I realize that Meredith wanted the summer off, but ABC should have begged her to stay at least until the show’s July hiatus.

The low point came during Sandra Bernhard's now-infamous appearance on June 16. Sandi expressed disbelief that women could support any politician trying to take their rights away. Babs asked what she thought of Laura Bush, to which Bernhard responded, "I think she's heavily medicated." This sent Elizabeth Hasselbeck into a tizzy. "You think she's medicated? Why? Because she advocates for education?" Sandra interrupted, saying, "Honey, she advocates, and then she disappears for months..." Elizabeth interjected, "Don't call me...first of all... honey yourself!" Of course, "honey" is part of Bernhard's vernacular (she'd already used the word four times in the interview). As the fireworks were erupting, Joy (sitting between the battling bitches) walked off the set! The camera turned to a bewildered Barbara Walters, perhaps wondering, "What the hell just happened?" A producer urged Behar to return and defuse the situation. But what was really needed was Vieira, who could have handled it with aplomb and skill. You can watch the clip on www.billymasters.com.

Frank in Annapolis has an "Ask Billy" question echoed by many readers: "Saturday Night Live just repeated the episode with Dane Cook. Not only is he funny, but he's hunky. Where did he come from? Does he play for our team? Do you have any nude pics of him?"

Dane Cook grew up less than five miles from moi—in Arlington, Mass. I believe he worked at a video store on Mass Ave. when he started doing stand-up. Many people first saw him on Saturday Night Live, one of the rare occasions where a comedian with minimal film or television work was asked to host. He's toured the country for the past few years and has been a guest on virtually all of the late-night talk shows. Although he's done some small acting roles, I think his most impressive work is a photo taken by a colleague that shows him lounging on a sofa naked except for a strategically placed bag of potato chips. And where could you see the tantalizing photo of this up and coming star? On www.billymasters.com, of course.

When I have a hankering for a can of Pringles, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Billy has left L.A. behind for the summer, which means that next week, we'll be coming to you from the lovely Filth2Go Beach House in Provincetown. One thing that never changes is the best Web site for gossip, www.billymasters.com. Even cavorting with dudes in the dunes, I'm plugged in and ready for your queries. Just write to billy@billymasters.com and I promise to get back to you before ABC puts Barbara in a home (the same one CBS put Dan Rather in, no doubt). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.